White Winged Dove
by Alithea
Summary: Shoujo-ai content. Once upon a time Dorothy loved Relena... Now it's over and Dorothy tries not to let the past bitter her.


Title: White Winged Dove

**Title: White Winged Dove  
Rating: PG-13  
Light Shoujo-ai content  
Gundam wing is not mine I'm just borrowing  
Poetry is mine  
****Author's Note: 2008 edit. Not much has changed I am just doing some clean up.**

She likened the Unifying Peace Conference to a badly staged ballet, awkward in movement as the world's, nay, the galaxy's top political leaders clamored about, inching from forum to forum in base indecision over the future of the earth and the colonies, making petty and often vain speeches vying for laws that were unwanted and in some rare instances extremely important. Dorothy Catalonia was invited and attended only because she was swiftly becoming one of the Preventors' chief benefactors. She did not press her opinion about the newly attained peace, nor did she sit in the shadows and pretend to be just a causal observer. She played both sides of the coin making sure she was noticed and making sure certain bills were passed purely on principle and without causing a stir.

She was in the main gallery of the conference. Watching as assistants and secretaries ran about gathering various schedules, some for meetings, others for the more important treaty and law signings. And of course the most important events of all in everyone's mind, the three key speeches to be given by the Vice Foreign Minister, that young political genius, once a princess, once a queen, always righteous, Relena Darlain Peacecraft.

Dorothy watched the main schedule board click with last minute changes reminding her of being stuck in a shuttle terminal, stormy gray eyes unmoved by the wall of praise spilling from some young lobbyist. The boy was all too in awe of the reigning vice minister, all too excited and the blonde wondered if there was anything she could say that would quiet him. Something that wouldn't make her stand out, but still make her point. Thankfully no action was needed as he wandered off in search of ears that actually cared.

It had already been a long week and she was tiring slightly of all the posturing. If war was over then war was over. All hail the human race for finally coming to some sense, but it wasn't that simple as Dorothy well knew. Something a distant cousin of hers had said liked to creep on her at times, "Mans basic instinct is always to fight and take and make new. Destroy the old so that progress and change might occur."

She believed that more deeply than anyone could know. It was a nice fairytale to believe that peace would last, but there would always be a person, or a group who wanted to change the world and "make it better". And better was not always just or right but it was the idea of change that made the difference and nothing else. Once the idea was present there was little to stop someone from trying to make that change take place.

She drummed her long slender fingers along the arm of the chair she was sitting in. Her lovely princess had delayed a speech yet again and there was nothing to do and no one Dorothy felt worthy of conversing with so she made a game of spotting Preventor officers that were scattered about as security. The game ended much too quickly as she noted that there were five in the main gallery badly disguised as clerks. There were two on upper balconies watching the crowd hidden poorly by velvet curtains. She focused on one in particular, wondering if the lady new she was being observed. If the lady was aware she showed no sign and for that Dorothy was grateful and slightly disappointed.

Her disappointment stemmed from never finding the right time to drag the lady aside and talk to her about a few things they had in common. The most important at present being the vice minister and the lesser (but still very important) being the tie each had to the late Trieze Kushrenada. For the moment Dorothy could find a way to think on the later with more interest. She didn't have any family left. After her grandfather's fall Trieze was all she had in ways of blood ties, or at least blood ties that mattered to her, ties that taught her about the world.

When she was very young she had gone to visit her cousin. She was bored over all by the trip since she was left, as usual, to her own devises, but one day she wandered to a small field that was used for shooting, mostly little clay disks each being a point and whoever shot down the most won. At the time, and still presently, she found it silly. There was no real risk in shooting something made of clay. She recalled the odd smile that inched over Trieze's face as she mentioned it. He seemed strangely proud of her for making such an observation.

The next day he took her out hunting, capturing a few pheasants, a rabbit, and oddly enough a set of doves. They were symbols of peace he had told her, but even the most docile and innocent of creatures lives in the risk of being taken. Life and war and peace where the same he explained, because everything runs the risk of being taken. Change being the only constant there was and man's greatest tragedy being his want to keep change from over taking him.

She sighed as the thought passed and refocused on the lady who was watching the room like a well-trained hawk.

"Trained by the best there was," Dorothy whispered to herself, "to catch doves."

Her blue-gray eyes caught the ever-changing main schedule and shook her head with disappointment when she noted that Relena's speech had been delayed until the next day. Something must have been going on, an assassination attempt perhaps. Whatever it was most of the people in the main gallery began an exodus to their rooms or rescheduled meetings that had previously been canceled by the Vice Foreign Minister's speech.

She leaned back in her chair to decide on what she was going to do. Lady Une still in her perch above the crowd kept pulling the young woman's attention making her think of more personal things.

It was a hard emotion to describe, being a mix of curiosity, envy, and anger the day Dorothy realized her closeted lover was leaving her for someone who could fulfill her need for destruction, a need to be pushed into defeat and feel the burn of it. Of course as Dorothy always observed there was no one who ever got close to Relena who could manage the task. She could have, of course, it would have been easy to break the princess when she had the chance but she couldn't just give in to such self-destructive behavior. Especially since the princess refused to admit that that was what she craved. Looking over the lady she knew exactly why Relena had run to her for what she wanted.

Lady Une was every faux pas and danger the girl had ever known. The lady had killed Relena's father. The lady had a reputation for being cold and cruel but the truth was, the lady of old, the lady that had caused so much fear and commanded so much respect had been killed two years ago by a bullet to the chest. Oh the lady still commanded respect and she was still feared to an extent, but really she was a much different person. Dorothy had observed the change and really anyone who had a knack for reading people could see the difference between Preventor Une and the Lady.

With ease Dorothy removed herself from the chair and made her way towards her room. When the conference was over she was going to take a long vacation from active political life. Go to the colonies and maybe open a club or maybe she would just rebuild her reputation as someone not to be trifled with, someone who was expert at games of the heart.

"Can't rebuild what was never torn down," she muttered to herself inside the elevator that was slowly taking her to her room.

And there was truth in that statement. She was only seventeen but she was still quite notorious for being everything she was. There were those that fell to her beauty, and those that feel to her wit, but they still fell. Even the dear Vice Foreign Minister had fallen to her, and easily and quickly, begging for defeat. Begging for all the things that eluded Relena because of the tight shell of protection others pulled around her. But something like defeat, defeat backfired on everyone who sought it, and defeat was prodding at Dorothy in the form of a misguided attempt at a love affair.

The blonde fought against it though and she felt as if she had won on some levels. It wasn't that she was heart broken, she had convinced herself. It was that her playmate quit the game before she could properly end it. She shook her head as the doors to the lift slid open, stepping out in a strange rush to her room, the strain of the week official as she silently cursed herself for hurting.

_In the darkness of this desert  
I am lost within the folds  
Great blackness taking over  
Something to warm me from the cold  
And as the wind picks up  
And as the stars begin to shine  
The moon a mere smirk in the distance  
I can feel what I hate to admit  
The scars I hid so well from view  
The tears I could refuse  
Because wouldn't it be terribly pathetic  
To cry over the loss of you_

Dorothy found the confines of her elaborate suite too restricting, so she dressed and made way to her private car to escape the world of ever present dignitaries and other political vipers that liked to haunt the hotel's grand dining room. She wondered if her dislike for politicians was a direct result of her grandfather's once stifling hold of her life. It was a theory, but she didn't enjoy prescribing to it.

With ease she slipped from the hotel and into the parking garage where, waiting like a patient child, was her car. It was a bright yellow Porsche that often had the look of a bumblebee. Despite its vibrant color it was a far and delightful cry from her normal choice of vehicle. The press, which had a passing interest in Dorothy from time to time, caught on to her like for big and yellow cars (Cadilacs, vans, SUVs), so she decided that scaling down to something sporty would do a nice job of throwing the howling wind of the tabloids off her trail. The ploy worked for a while, but she wasn't concerned about the press chasing after her. There were other more interesting politicians to pester at the conference.

The Unifying Peace Conference was being held in a rather upscale little seaport making dining experiences an interesting challenge for any visiting the city. The hotel that all of the members of the conference were staying at however was in close distance to two neo-riche restaurants. This meant that despite their dislike of the press parade most of the politicians wanting to dine out would brave having a picture taken with spinach stuck to their teeth rather than exploring the lesser-known, less expensive restaurants in the area. Dorothy didn't care for the high class and "in" places near the hotel, finding them dull and dreadfully boring, since all the patrons were too busy trying to look good to notice that the lobster was always over cooked and the wine list lacking.

In a furry of speed she raced her way around the town until she reached a small boardwalk that was home to one of the best restaurants she had ever encountered. Besides that, the small place was right on the water and a perfect place to watch the light and fireworks show coordinated by the boardwalk's small amusement park. She wondered if the owners would remember her as she made the small trek from her car to the quaint place aptly named, The Waterfront.

A broad smirk crossed her face as the same waiter from her last visit took her over to a single table on the patio, followed shortly by the owner and the chef whom asked if she was in good health, spewing the various other small talk owners enjoying bestowing upon their favorite patrons. Dorothy enjoyed the chatter but was relieved when she was left to peruse the menu and watch the colorful lights from the boardwalk reflect on the dark water.

It was in that quiet space between ordering her meal and waiting for it to arrive that she began to drift over the past, and the past was three years long. It was enough to make anyone slightly melancholy, even though Dorothy blamed it on fatigue not sentiment. Still, the memory was there like a thick fog that could not be cut or faded by the hope of the sun.

For three years Dorothy had shared a bed with the princess in an off and on relationship more akin to a strobe light than anything else. When it ended, it ended because Dorothy hit a soft spot that Relena couldn't protect, and when it began again it was always because of the same reason, a soft spot that just couldn't be protected and a need, a want the diplomat couldn't rid her self of. Dorothy loved those moments. She always knew when they were coming too because Relena's deep blue eyes just couldn't hide her true feelings. Over all those moments and emotions nothing compared to the very first time, and what a time it was.

She remembered the Sanq Kingdom was barely clinging to life back then, running on the ideas of a dead king voiced through the never-ending song of his long lost daughter. But the princess was not truly equipped to handle such grand ideals as total pacifism, total peace. She was a lost little girl, vengeance in her heart, destruction on her mind, and a false belief taken on more for duty than personal conviction. Dorothy loved to watch Relena defend pacifism. It was quite a show and the audience always bought the performance and cheered at the end. It made her smile but by far the best thing she ever did was argue with the Peacecraft. Calm and reflective, perhaps a bit cruel at times in her points, Dorothy loved the responses that fell from a perfect mouth because they were mostly lies, pretty as pictures.

Then one day Dorothy the champion of war, and Relena the champion for peace took a long stroll and talked. The memory caused a tiny and bare smirk to cross Dorothy's face. Relena was in rare form that night as the pressure of being a teenaged world leader began to creep upon her. Dorothy remembered how Relena responded, swiftly and harshly as the fire of rage grew in the princess's eyes. It was too much for Relena to take really. She had no choices left, no lies to offer in defense, so she broke and slapped Dorothy so hard she fell to the ground. Smarting and laughing from the wound it was the best victory Dorothy had ever garnered, especially when she picked herself up and stepped over to Relena who feared violent retribution. The fear had been clear in the princess's eyes as a wolfish grin inched over Dorothy's face.

That was the beginning of everything really. The beginning of a three-year thing that could hardly be called love, but was something deeper than mere lust, maybe it had been hope. It was hard to tell, because whatever it was Relena's act of violence was rewarded with the kind of kiss most girls never receive in a lifetime of searching.

The memory slipped away quickly as the waiter brought over Dorothy's meal. She hated to linger on the past. Nothing good ever came of it. It bit at her though, putting her in a sour mood that was amplified as a calm and steady voice rallied her attention.

"You know the rules of the conference clearly state that all attendees must not leave the area with out a Preventor escort."

"I shall have to remember that for future reference," was the biting reply. Dorothy kept her gaze on the water as she continued, "Maybe Une would be willing."

"Must you do that?"

Dorothy shook her head. "I'm not in a good mood. It's been a long and tedious week, especially since so many forums and meetings keep getting delayed because of _someone's_ speeches." She looked up briefly catching a familiar glance of irritation on the young woman's face.

"May I join you," the intruder asked as she pulled over a chair and took a seat.

Dorothy sneered, although it was a slight thing and not easily caught. "So nice of you to ask permission Ms. Darlain, it's a free world…for now. You may sit where you like."

It was well nigh impossible for a moment to be more uncomfortable. Filled with cutting silence and the occasional flicker and burst from the light show across the water, the delayed boom of the fireworks edging in briefly. Relena sighed and bit at her bottom lip. She made a habit of it when she was uncomfortable or at a loss. Both instances were present and she bit down a little harder than normal. The young woman across from her kept her gaze steady on the show.

Unable to keep up the silence and unable to be elegant if not tactfully cruel Dorothy asked, "Why are you bothering me Relena?"

The ex-princess stirred a bit, leaning across the table. "Maybe I just wanted to talk to you."

"We have nothing to discuss," Dorothy paused and added, "Except, maybe that prissy colonial addendum that was passed through yesterday evening. Why put your name on something that won't last?" She considered the statement and shook her head. "You could just quit playing the adult instead of being trampled into dust by it. It would be easier and despite your beliefs, have the desired effect on your life."

"I'd really rather not argue." Relena stated.

"Then don't, and stop looking for a fight."

"I'm not looking for a fight," Relena confessed doing her best to draw Dorothy's attention.

It didn't work. Dorothy wouldn't look her way.

"I didn't think it was possible," the vice minister stated, slightly shocked. She sat back in her chair and whispered, "I'm sorry if I hurt you."

In the past that would have been enough to make Dorothy charge into a full battle and take no prisoners. However, she merely looked the girl dead in the eye and replied, "It was my own fault for falling in the first place dearest, nothing to be sorry for and nothing to worry about. I'm sure you're being well taken care of."

"We broke up," was the immediate response.

Dorothy perked an eyebrow, "Good for her. I'm not taking you back."

The girl huffed, "I don't want to be taken back."

"Liar, liar," Dorothy whispered, and looked closely into Relena's deep blue eyes. She found truth there but not much. Mostly she saw what she expected and that was all want and need. Need like she'd never seen. It was flattering but she knew better than to fall into to it.

"Three years princess that's what we had, that's what you took and I gave and now it's gone. You can't fix it… not ever."

"He left too you know," Relena said after a moments thought. "He never kept his promise."

"Of course he couldn't, love," Dorothy said trying not to sound comforting. "You are this burning light in the distance, and you draw people to you like, pardon the crude analogy, a bug zapper. They all want you and even if you burn them they will always come back. It's too late to try and deny it, you are the very symbol of perfection and as sullied as you are, and as low as you sink, and as much as you want to be extinguished it will never happen, because even those with the power to break you eventually want to protect you. Shame on us for not knowing better but thank God a few of us aren't completely mesmerized but that light you give off and we can learn to escape…even if it stings."

"I'm too young for this." Relena relied with a sigh.

"So am I, so is he. So are his friends, your brother, those serving as senior officers at the Preventors. We are the young saviors of the world. We have a duty, but no one ever said we couldn't take a vacation. There are no excuses," Dorothy replied and it stung her because it meant she lost somewhere. It meant she was fallible and for once it was quite all right. She motioned to the waiter to bring her check.

Relena looked overly downcast and Dorothy didn't have a thing to offer her. Even if she did she doubted she would actually make the effort to do so.

"What were we," the princess asked quietly.

"Lovers dearest."

"But not in love?"

Dorothy clicked her tongue and gave into her instincts. "I don't know if there is a word for what we were that's proper. I know it hurt when you left for someone else, and I know that not enough time has passed because every time I look at you I feel the sting." Her eyes shut for a moment and then she continued, "And I think it was impossible to have anything happily ever after. You just can't admit to the world what you really want."

"And what is that?" Relena asked sharply. "Destruction? Normalcy? What do I really want? And how could you possibly know?"

The check came and Dorothy forced a smile before returning back to the task at hand. She smiled just slightly and then said, "You want people to stop treating you like a princess in a fairy tale. You want to stop knights from saving you, but you won't get what you want because you don't know how to tell those heroes no."

Dorothy looked over the bill briefly reached into her purse and threw a large wad of cash on the table. Stood and tried not to react when Relena caught her arm. She sighed; made immobile by a desperation she was all too familiar with. With an easy move she turned to face the girl, winced slightly as Relena moved closer, wrapped an arm around her waist, took her lips.

Dorothy pulled back slightly to whisper in the Vice Foreign Minister's ear,"I could, for all I've just said and been through, I could give you everything you want this very moment. But I'm not, and I won't, because I just can't afford to love you ever again."

She backed away and despite herself made it out to her car and back to the hotel without shedding a tear. She was grateful for that. Grateful because she had just admitted something she'd been refusing to believe for three years.

The last evening of the conference was closed with a long and intriguing speech about the heroes of the war that were too young to have to face adversity, and a formal party that included light dancing and heady amounts of champagne. Dorothy wasn't sure if she should feel flattered or ripped off as Relena spoke. It was rather disgusting hearing some of her own words twisted into to something that made the rest of the conference goers ecstatic with pride and support. She shook it off though, and maintained herself through the party. She managed to put a few people in their place when they began to unknowingly bash her family members, danced, and had a few sips of the free but fairly cheap champagne that flowed through the room.

Any hopes of a "happy" and content evening faded quickly as Dorothy's stormy eyes caught the princess slipping out of the so called celebration hand in hand with an exuberant and obviously star struck clerk. Eyes narrowed she managed to take in a deep breath without those around her taking any apparent notice. Someone had noticed the intent stare she laid upon the exiting Vice Foreign Minister because Dorothy heard the woman's voice low and clear behind her.

"Ms. Catalonia, I think perhaps we should go out to the balcony and have a small chat," the voice paused and Dorothy figured she was watching the tiny indiscretions being made by the diplomat. "As his Excellency pointed out from time to time, it is best if you remember to breathe when we make our exit."

Dorothy brushed back her platinum blonde hair and eased away from the group of people she was pretending to talk to, and slipped outside to the small balcony overlooking the city. It was odd how, far off in the distance, the lights of the city and the stars in the sky were almost indecipherable from each other. There was a bit of the breeze coming in off the shore filling the air with an almost salty scent, and in the background… Roses?

"Are you all right?"

It was the lady.

Dorothy glanced over her shoulder and noted that the Preventor was holding two glasses. They weren't filled with champagne. She brought herself around all the way and leaned back against the railing taking the glass that was offered and tried to manage one of her many grins.

"I'm perfect," Dorothy managed to spit out just before she took a sip of what she came to recognize as scotch. "You do know I'm under the legal drinking age," she quipped.

"Yes, well, there are special rules for those at the conference," Une retorted. "After all, no one really seems to mind giving a teenager a large and important political office. Who is really going to care if you have a drink?"

"No one," Dorothy whispered.

She took another sip even though scotch was not her favorite.

The Preventor took a seat on the only chair on the balcony, crossing her legs elegantly before taking a quick sip and setting the glass on the ground. The woman's hazelnut brown eyes were reflective if not sincere in their concern. Dorothy wondered what Une could possibly say to make her feel better, or why the woman felt the need to save her from the confines of the party.

Remember to breathe the lady had advised, and the blonde was suddenly taken back to that day she went hunting with her oh so distant cousin. Despite her grandfather's orders Trieze had let her have a gun when they were far enough out of sight of the rest of the group. He taught her how to aim and reminded her that she shouldn't hold her breath. Remember to breathe and when the target is in sight…Bang! You shoot.

She smiled over at the lady who wasn't staring but watching her closely.

"Feeling better," the lady asked quietly.

"No," Dorothy confessed quickly, "I was just remembering something and it made me smile."

"Memories can be crutches if you are not careful," Une stated. "But memories are sometimes all we have."

"True."

"I hadn't realized you and Relena had been a couple until now," the Preventor offered in something that could have been regret but clearly wasn't. "She never mentioned it."

Dotothy shrugged and stated, "She won't admit what she wants."

"So you mentioned last night."

Dorothy perked an eyebrow. "You were there?"

"Conference members are not to leave without proper Preventor escorts or personal security," Une replied quickly. "I had to follow you. It's only a pity she showed up."

The blonde shook her head, "No, it was actually good of her. I had the opportunity to learn something about myself."

"Possibly." Une stood from her seat and picked up the glass of scotch. She took sip and leaned against the railing near Dorothy. "Fourteen years old," she held out the glass and continued, "Never drink scotch under twelve years of age."

"Interesting advice, but to deaf ears, I really don't care for it," Dorothy stated. "Why did you drag me out here?"

"To keep you from making a scene."

"I wasn't going to make a scene."

"No?" A brown eyebrow popped up accompanied by a wolfish smirk.

"No."

"Maybe I dragged you out here to keep myself from making a scene," Une confessed.

From inside they could hear things beginning to wind down. Dorothy wasn't sure what she was going to do with herself. She liked being outside on the balcony and away from people who wore her down. And surprisingly she enjoyed Une's subtle presence.

In the end she found herself back in her room and alone. The small bit of scotch combined with cheap wine and champagne slowly taking hold of her. She slipped into a hot shower and reemerged sober and refreshed. Clicked on the suite's stereo and thumbed through the many selections available before finding one she was satisfied with. She found the parallel between a few of the songs and her present situation a bit amusing. She sang along slightly off key. Dorothy was the first to admit she had no talent, but she tried and that was always the most important thing.

After a long while there was a knock on her door. It was either the occupant of the suite next to her coming over to ask that the music be turned down, or it was going to be someone she wasn't in the mood for, like Relena or a clerk. She shuddered at the thought.

She unlatched the door and swung it open met quickly by intriguing hazelnut brown eyes and a small bunch of roses. Dorthy smirked and pulled the door open wide allowing the Preventor inside. She took the roses and unable to find a vase, set them on a table. The lady had moved to the stereo and turned the music down.

"There," she began, "now that I've taken care of that-"

"What are you doing," Dorothy asked before Une could begin whatever excuse she had.

"Taking care of a noise complaint and delivering flowers," the lady replied.

The blonde shook her head and noted the envelope in the lady's hand.

"Do you really want to read this," the Preventor asked concern lacing her tone. "I mean really it won't say anything you haven't already heard from her."

"It won't change anything."

"No? No, maybe it won't."

"Jealous?"

"Why would I be?" Then Une considered for a moment. "Perhaps, maybe slightly, guilty."

"Why?" Dorothy moved to a chair and sat down.

The lady looked a bit grim. "I should have known."

She took the double meaning in the sound of the lady's voice. Took the edge of what it confessed and offered and considered for a moment. "Perhaps you should have. Tell me one thing though."

"What?"

"Would you mind staying up with me? I'm afraid I'm too tired to sleep and I could use someone to talk to."

A slight grin slipped across the lady's face. "What would we talk about?"

"Anything everything…You can explain how the princess got you. Or you could just help me with something that's been on my mind."

"And what is that?"

"Family," Dorothy replied. "I had this very distant cousin once and he died before I could have a nice long talk with him."

"I think," Une whispered. "I think, I could help you with that."

_And I am one of many  
Flawless and few  
A god among men  
Kin to those greater than time will allow  
And I'm not sure where I'm going  
And I'm not sure I want to know  
I'm too young to feel this old  
Too old to feel this lost  
And I am just one of many  
One of the few who was perhaps…  
Pulled too far out their intended station  
Pulled into something hotter than the flames of destiny_

End…


End file.
